I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I intend to get homeless drunk
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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