he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
