Non-Jews are for practice
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
im holly from the hills drunk
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You made out with two different species that night
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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