Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
