he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
