So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
