Swine flu. Run for my life!
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
