there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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