I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
