Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
