I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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