and you said cock pushups were impossible
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
