i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
