yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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