I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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