if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
