Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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