after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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