You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
