I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
