he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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