the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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