They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
