i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I need moral support for this bender
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
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