we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
