Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
