Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
