Kiss
Puke
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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