im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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