just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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