Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
