my vag is so smooth its legendary
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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