when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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