That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
