Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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