this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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