She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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