she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
