I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
