no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
