Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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