Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
