She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
