Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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