If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
