i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
