OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
