my mouth tastes like poor choices
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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