I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
