I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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