yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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